By Natalie Vertoudakis- Registered Psychologist
Bariatric patients often report to me the fear of others “finding out” – the fear of negative evaluation and judgement, if someone learns they have had weight loss surgery. Often patients feel that they need to avoid social occasions to avoid negative scrutiny. However, there is a much simpler solution that does not require avoid or full disclosure.
Set Your Limits
- Reflect on your limits of disclosure, how much are you comfortable discussing if any at all?
- Decide this before attending a social event or visiting a friend after weight loss
- For example, you might feel comfortable disclosing “I am taking part in a weight loss program…involving portion control and exercise”
Set the Expectations
- Prepare the people you will see that you might look different small
- Prepare them that you are not going to be able to “eat what you used to” or “as much as you used to”
- Ask them to support you when you get there by not insisting you eat more
Set the Boundaries
- Set your personal boundaries and stick to your limits of disclosure
- Hold people accountable for negative comments – tell them that you appreciate their concerns, however you would prefer not to discuss this with them
- Use a repetitive phrase you’re comfortable with – people only probe further with the expectation you’ll change your response, keep repeating the explanation of your weight loss you’re comfortable with and they will stop probing
- Stop conversations that make you feel uncomfortable by using I statements like
“I feel uncomfortable/judged/put down when you say ______ in future can you ______ ? or avoid talking to me about my weight loss”
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